CD 3: Spacey

All's quiet on the Southern front these days. Temperatures are still being tracked. I'm still dealing with AF so nothing interesting is happening in the bedroom. I'm still too far away from ovulation to be getting anxious.

It's like the calm before the storm. I can feel it coming but there's nothing to be done right now but order more pregnancy tests off Amazon and wait.

So that's what we're doing. Just marking the days off on the calendar until it's time to rejoin the game.

Also, when I got to the walking trail with my husband this morning (at the crack of dawn) I discovered that I was wearing my pants backward.

That is all.

It's just been that kind of day.

CD 2: Impatient

It's probably a bad sign that it's only CD 2 and I'm already getting impatient to ovulate. I need to be better about remembering to slow down and to try and enjoy this process. I don't want to spend my life wishing that it were always two weeks later!

Today has been a rather frustrating day in that I received word that I'll be taking a business trip on September 12 – 15. I’m only traveling about an hour and a half away from where I live but it’s to a Conference that frankly, I could do without attending. Not to mention that it could possibly interfere with our BD plans. Right now I’m guessing that I’m going to Ovulate sometime around September 10 – 12. That’s the hope anyway. I guess I could drag J down there with me purely for the purpose of keeping to our schedule, but frankly, that’ll be hard to explain to my colleagues. LOL

One thing that I did last cycle that I plan to continue is to stay as far away from caffeine as I can. Honestly I know that the data on caffeine is pretty divided, most physicians seem to agree that a little won’t hurt your chances to conceive. Still, I hate the idea of being a slave to something- and a slave I really was. It wasn’t like a lived on coffee or anything- I had my morning cut (or two) and then usually a Diet something or other in the afternoon, followed by another Diet something or other around dinner time. Still, I found that if I skipped one of those drinks I’d get a headache from hell. I quit smoking six years ago and promised myself that I’d never allow myself to be held hostage by anything like that again.

Another thing J and I have been doing (for about a year now) is trying to eat as “clean” as we can. The Clean eating movement is something that has evolved into something trendy. For us it just made sense. I could go into a long, drawn out explanation of why we went in this direction, but I’ll spare you the flow charts and just say that it works for us. We try and eat as close to the earth as we can, avoiding as many processed and artificial foods as we can. Since adopting this lifestyle we’ve lost weight and feel better than we ever have before. I don’t know if eating this way will aid in our conception chances but I figure that it couldn’t hurt.

We’ve also been trying to adopt walking every morning into our routine. Some mornings are better than others. This morning we managed about two miles before I had to go to work.

Whether or not I get pregnant next month or six months from now I feel good knowing that I’m doing everything that I can to be physically ready. Now if I could just lose those pesky forty pounds I put on when I quit smoking and adopted this healthier lifestyle!

CD 1: Calm

So last cycle is officially over (see, I told you I was predictable).

Honestly, I'm not as disappointed as I thought that I would be. I think I'm just kind of at a point where I'm viewing each failed cycle as one more cycle that puts me closer to conception. I'm sure that if this drags on for an extended period of time I'll feel differently but for right now, I'm at peace.

I'm also in a lot of pain at the moment so I'm going to be very brief. Ah, the joys of being a woman. Still, I'll take it and ask for another if it means that my body is doing what it should.

This cycle my husband and I have decided that we're going to try and BD every other day beginning on CD 10. I'm not going to use the ovulation predictor sticks as I honestly believe that that process would be both stressful to me and also encourages a fixation that I frankly, don't need help with. I'm already spending more time than I think is necessary obsessing on this process. Using the ovulation predictor sticks would only add fuel to that. I'm still going to chart and check CM and occasionally my cervix but that's it. I'll use those factors to determine ovulation- it helps that I always get a pre-ovulation dip. :-) We'll BD three days in a row beginning on the day of my pre-ovulation dip- that will hopefully give us the day before, the day of, and the day after. We'll skip a day and then BD one more time two days later.

Will we be able to follow through with all of that? Probably not. This time of the year is really rough on my husband with allergies and I know that that will make all of that BDing difficult for him. Having said that, I refuse to allow myself to stress out about it. We'll stick to the plan as often as is possible and let go of what isn't.

So welcome CD 1. It should be an interesting ride!

CD 29: 14 DPO: Exhausted

I've decided to give up pretending that I get what's going on with my body right now. Clearly, everything I thought that I knew, having been IN this body for almost 36 years is wrong. Believe me, it's shocking to me too!

Let me explain. Pretty much since I delivered my son (over fifteen years ago- yeouch!) my cycles have been predictable and boring. I'm good with boring. I spent years on Depo Provera, during which time I didn't menstruate- with the exception of those years, every cycle has been exactly the same.

I get a little grouchy the week before I start. I may get a mild back ache the day before I start but that's about it. My skin may break out a little a few days before but other than that I am symptomless until the day I start. Day one brings medium grade menstrual cramping, a headache, more bitchiness, and a general feeling of being worn out. Day two I'm pretty much back to normal, save a little less energy, and day three is totally back to normal.

That's it.

I am anticipating starting CD 1 tomorrow. That's what my calendar says, my temperature dived today (like REEEEAAAALLLY dived) so I'm assuming that I'm not pregnant. What's weird is that I have been exhausted all week. Like so tired I can barely keep my eyes open at night (I'm generally a night owl). To top it off I've been having menstrual type cramping on and off all week long. Not cool body. Not cool at all. My husband, son, and I traveled out of town yesterday to attend my son's rifle competition. By the time we got to the hotel I had determined that a run to the store was in order as I didn't bring any supplies with me. It might sound weird to travel this close to starting and not pack supplies, but honestly, I'm like clockwork. I wasn't due to start until Sunday and I knew that we'd be getting back home on Saturday evening. Hence, I didn't pack anything.

So off to the store we went. Supplies in hand I returned to the hotel where I curled into a ball and tried to fall asleep. I finally gave up and took a warm bath to try and soothe the cramping. I was so sure that I was starting that I actually slept with a pad last night so as not to risk messing up the nice Hilton linens.

And yet when I got up this morning. Nothing.

Well, nothing except this nice temperature dive.

I imagine that sometime tomorrow AF will join me. It sure feels like it! I just wish I understood why I've been having all of these menstrual symptoms all week long. It bugs me only because it's so atypical.

I'm ready to start just so I can start over and try again. I think this time we're going to be trying the sperm meets egg plan I've heard so many good things about. :-)

The One Where I Go Stark Raving Insane

So here's today's chart. It stayed the same.

It NEVER stays the same. It ALWAYS goes back down. Always.

Except today- it didn't. It stayed the same.

I've had pre-menstrual type cramps on and off for the past week. Like real cramps only light. Does that make sense? It's weird because I never cramp before I start- usually just the day of.

Did I mention that I took another pregnancy test this morning? It came back negative. I took a second test, this time a FRER when I got home this afternoon (8 hours from the first one) and it too came back negative. So now I don't know what to think.

I guess on Sunday if I don't start then I'll call the doctor on Monday and request a blood test. But seriously, as sensitive as these tests are you'd think if I WERE pregnant that one of them would have thought so!

I'm trying to console myself with believing that maybe the tip I had on CD 11 was an implantation dip and that there just isn't enough hCG in my body yet to show up.

Yeah right. I don't really believe it either.

I got twenty on my temps tanking tomorrow morning.

Sigh. Grrrr!

CD 27: 12 DPO

I'm not sure how but I managed to hold off on testing this morning. I have one test left and I figured I'd wait to use it until at least tomorrow. Once my temperature dips and recovers somewhat, it has never gone up or stayed the same after that. It has always gone back down. You know, always as in two months.

Anyway! If I get up tomorrow to find that it has risen or stayed the same then I'll definitely test. If it has gone down some more than I'll probably not test again until after AF is due on Sunday.

In other news, I have had the WORST headache today. I actually woke up with it around 4:15 this morning and have been dealing with it in varying degrees ever since. I'm reluctant to take anything for it on the off chance that I AM pregnant. Fun times for all.

I just took my temperature a few minutes ago (because I like to take it over the course of the day to see how it is reflected in the next mornings reading. It was 99.2. As in low grade fever.

So is it elevated because I'm getting sick and just don't realize it yet. Or because I've got a headache. Or because I'm pregnant.

Who the hell knows. One way or the other I'll know for sure by next week, right?

At this point I'm honestly thinking probably not gonna be pregnant. I've got some mild AF type cramping going on (though it's weird to be feeling it this early) and I'm packing some killer PMS too boot.

I'm basically just a walking ray of sunshine right now. HA! My poor long suffering patient husband. There are days that I truly don't deserve him.

CD 26: 11 DPO

I think there's got to be a certain group in hell that must enjoy watching a woman who is trying to conceive survive the two week wait during allergy season. Playing the waiting game (waiting to ovulate/waiting to test) is never fun, but during allergy season it takes on additional depth.

Right now Goldenrod and Ragweed are in full bloom where I live. And while I'm not typically prone to heavy allergies there are always a few days when they first bloom that I find myself congested, tired, and generally out of sorts.

Sound familiar?

It's just dumb luck that I seem to be experiencing these symptoms during the two week wait. I have, no kidding, felt like crap for the last several days. I've been constantly queasy, my head has been hurting, I've been bitchy, emotional, and just plain ill. I wake up congested and am ready to take a nap by lunchtime. It's not even 9pm here and I've already showered, grabbed the laptop and am in bed. Fully intending on turning out the lights soon. It's having PMS on steroids and I'm about over it!

Could I be pregnant? Yeah, I guess it's still a possibility- although my temperatures tanked this morning so I'm not feeling overly hopeful at this point. If they follow suit with past months I'll have a small rebound in the morning followed by two more declining temps before AF arrives on Sunday. Yippee.

I'm really regretting now not pushing my new OB to begin treatment now instead of having us wait to see the RE in November. I guess in the grand scheme of things we really haven't been at this for very long (only really since May) but given the fact that my O date and luteal lengths have changed so much each month I think it might be a good idea to go ahead and address it now.

This chart indicates that I had a regular cycle in July- I disagree. I'm 99.9% sure it was anovulatory. As you can see, I'm all over the place as to when I ovulate and how long my luteal length is.

At the time of my visit what the doctor said made sense. She didn't want to begin any testing or treatment because the RE would just be doing it all over again. Apparently because of my age (35) she automatically refers her patients to a RE after six months. Our November appointment puts us at that six month mark. A thought that both terrifies me and reassures me.

Here's today's chart.

Now if you'll excuse me I think I need to find a puppy to kick or something.