A Rambling Rant

I’ve always prided myself on my positive attitude. I’ve always believed that our attitudes are one of the very few things that we have control over. Because of this, I’ve made it a point to always choose happiness, no matter what else was going on around me. Sometimes, choosing happiness can mean just choosing not to be sad.

Bad things happen, bad things will always happen; that’s just the way life is. But among those bad things will also always be good things. Sometimes you have to look harder than you’d wish, but if you do choose to look, the good is always there.

When the market tanked back in 2008 my husband and I did what everyone else did, we tightened our belts. We lived more conservatively, we learned to shop with coupons (eventually becoming somewhat well known in our area for our ability to purchase lots of food and household products for just a little money), we worked at paying down what little debt that we did have. We even traded in our large Expedition for a much smaller and more conservative Prius.

Because we took those steps we were in a very good position when J lost his job in May 2010.

In the time that has passed since we have continued moving forward. J has gone back to school and has finished up his Masters degree. We have been in the position to offer assistance to family member’s who desperately needed our help. Lots of good things have happened- things that I would never want to appear ungrateful for.

But I’ll be honest and tell you that I’m really scared right now. Our financial situation, while not as strong as it once was, is still solid. We’ve not missed one payment, we’ve never been so much as late on one payment for anything, and we’ve even managed to gain a little ground. But each month that goes by without a job offer scares me a little more. J’s last two positions were those of Vice President- he was not just your run of the mill, one is the same as the next, faceless engineer (or whatever). He is very very good at what he does but there has to be a company looking for someone for that position. Or at least one willing to believe that he would be equally happy taking an Operations Manager job as long as there was room for advancement.

The bickering that I’m seeing in Washington right now is disheartening. I really don’t believe that anyone there gets up in the morning and thinks to themselves “hmmm, how can I screw the country over today?” And yet that’s what’s happening. It really feels to me that they are all so worried about being right and standing tough and not compromising that they’ve lost sight at what’s at stake.

I want, more than almost anything else in the world to have a baby.

But my husband needs a job. My fifteen year old needs security (and braces- so he says), and I would love the lost ability to just relax a little. To not always be worried about what is coming down the bend.

And now there have been rumors of a second recession?

So I’m really struggling with the idea of bringing a child into the world the way it is right now. We're hanging on by our teeth right now in the sheer hope that J will get back to work sooner than later. But what if he doesn’t? What if the economy crashes again, only this time it’s worse than it was before?

We got a small taste of what it is like to live without a lot of the luxuries we had been used to last Spring when a series of tornado's came and took out large sections of our state. We were without power for about a week- and as scary as the storms were, it was the threat of anarchy that was really scary. The grocery stores were barren, our town had a curfew in place, and the whole community kind of sat with baited breath waiting to see if our water supply was compromised. It was really scary.

I’m rambling right now, but I guess seeing the article about the possibility of a second recession that got to me. I don’t know if we could survive a second recession. I don’t know if this country could.

All I want is to be allowed to work hard, make a decent wage, and raise a family.

But if I can’t do that, what’s left?

I know that if we don’t try and get pregnant right now that we won’t have the chance to later. I don’t know how I know that, I just do.

So where does that leave us?

CD 7...

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